Thursday, April 4, 2013
Requirements For My Perfect Girlfriend | An Exercise of Choice in Begging
• Owns her own leather jacket
• Has had and likes cats
• Dislikes small dogs
• Shorter than me & weighs less
• Knows how to smile for photos but does not pose the same way ever time
• Does not wear large hoop earrings
• Eats meat, loves bacon
• Is not allergic to basic food components or most berries/fruit
• Has a preference either way in Star Wars v. Star Trek that does not involve Chris Pine
• Keeps her finger nails short
• Prefers that we keep separate bookshelves
• Her favorite author is dead—possibly by suicide—and is either a woman, a Russian, or a raunchy Englishman. She hates Jane Austen.
• Believes gay marriage is none of her goddam business and refuses to discuss it with company, but still votes for expanding civil rights
• Will actually smell/taste/watch and then laugh when I hand her a mysterious substance/expired milk/weird Internet porn
• Has a thin upper lip but round bottom (lip)
• Does not smoke
• Thinks babies are weird, possibly gross.
Image originally from Jeph Jacques
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You forgot to mention that she has to accept your beard for what it is, a work of art. So many women are anti facial hair.
ReplyDeleteActually not necessarily a deal breaker. I've always said I'd shave for the right girl. That being said, next year my mustache can go unaccompanied into a PG13 movie.
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