A Spectacular Failure

I just tore my pant leg on a chair. On a padded chair.

Do you know why we invented chairs? To prevent us from being stung or cut or dirtied by sitting on the ground. What the hell, chair? I'm good to you. I don't get far and sit on you, I brush crumbs off you before and after I sit down, i even saved your sweet looking red relative from the dumpster when my old neighbor moved in and decided to cast it out upon the dumpster. What have I ever done to you to warrant this type of behavior?

You got a debt, now, chair. You got a debt and you're gonna fill it.