This Is How Irrelevant the Post Office Is

I had heard the US Postal Service was considering ending Saturday delivery. Brilliant. No one really needs them anyway, might as well save the man hours. Personally, I never understood why they did add mail on Sundays by simply employing Jews, Muslims, and all other non-lazy non-Christians on Sundays. (Non-Christians who are also non-lazy, not a double-negative saying all Christians are lazy. You are some of the most industrious murders in history. Hi Crusades!) We've certainly gotten out of enough last-minute Friday meetings with that whole "Sabbath" excuse, and I still can't believe you buy this "Passover" thing, but good on us, I guess.

More to the point, I read that this was being considered in passing yesterday. Today I wake up and I read that it's been decided on the BBC. I was surprised I hadn't heard on any of my news sites. Surely this was a bigger deal than Monopoly replacing the iron with a cat, which is goddam everywhere today. (Guys, they replaced the least liked piece with the least hated new idea. Not earth-shattering.)

Yet no. All my sites are internet-related. iO9, Gizmodo, MacRumors, RSS feeds from astrophysics sites and blogs and tumblrs, and no goddam mention of the US Post Office, because why would that ever matter?

All I ever get in the mail are bank statements because fuck you, Chase, I'm watching my money and I want this written down for when the EMPs go off, tax documents, medical insurance bills, and junk mail. Like 80% junk mail. There are many days I don't even receive a piece of that. Honestly, making me walk to the mailbox on Saturday if I'm not working is a dick move. I'm glad it's gone.

But I shouldn't have to hear about this from the goddam BBC.

Let's check CNN. Straight-up news, right out of America, and if there's any political slant it's one I'll generally tend to not want to strangle a former Alaskan governor over.

Feel free to expand that.

Yeah, there was a story on it right there.

You see it, don't you? Under the 'World's Fastest Hillbilly.' Under Jennifer Lawrence. Below the break in the section without pictures.

Under business. Second row, second from the left, first story. At least it got that much.

And what's that at the top of "U.S." news? Right after Donald Trump?

Eff this, I'm signing up for email notification of everything and just wrapping my laptop in a Faraday cage for the rest of my life.