Why They Can Never Reboot "Revenge of the Nerds"

"INTELLIGENT BUT SOCIALLY INEPT PEEEEEOPLEEEEE!"

• "Only nerds play video games" was ruined by that whole "Call of Duty" thing. And Madden. And Halo.

• "All nerds think about is sex," isn't exactly true. I mean yes, it is, but unless you plan on seducing that cheerleader with your Japanese tentacle porn or long, steely-eyed glances while you save her from sword-wielding demons as cherry blossoms blow in the background, you're probably not actually good at sex. Point of order: a lack of cardio.

• They'd end up in prison on wrongful death convictions after one of the girls killed herself when she realized she'd been spied on in the shower, then broadcast over the LAN to a neighboring frat house.

• As Robot Chicken pointed out, they'd be in jail for about nine other reasons too.

• The gay kid wouldn't be caught dead in any of Lamar's original wardrobe pieces.

• Their talent show performance would still have synth, and look predominantly the same, but any audience would be permanently deafened by the rumbling bass of the nerds' dub-step band barreling through cinema speakers.

• Any nerds that smart would have gotten into a much better school, where stratification of social cliques is less pronounced due to a higher overall standard of collegiate excellence. They would be quite popular among their grad student peers, and would receive modest funding for their various side projects, ensuring at minimum long and healthy publishing careers and a tidy income from various patents for processes used in handheld devices and autonomous vehicles. The jocks would enjoy their sports while maintaining B+ averages throughout their MBA track.