Fall of the House of Mattel

no one looks good in bangs, not even Barbies.

Barbie gets home from work exhausted. Her oldest little sister Skipper blows past her dismissively, dressed like a trollop and, "off to work." Littlest sister Krissy is playing on floor by the couch.

Stacie, the third oldest, shouts from the kitchen, not bothering to decrease her volume as she attempts to exit past the disheveled Barbie.

"Hey," she speaks without taking a breath, "We're out of napkins so I didn't make dinner I'm going to the mall with Lea bye."

"Hold on there, missy!" Barbie calls out. "What do you mean you didn- is that a tongue ring!? When dud you get a tongue ring??"

Stacie is indignant. She scoffs. "Like you care…."

"You ungrateful little bitch! I work 108* jobs to put food on this table. Do you think dream houses just pay for themselves?? It's not like mom and dad left us anything, we got NOTHING! I have to pay for this house and your food and you go out and spend your money on a tongue ring???"

"Yeah, we'll Ken seems to like it!"

"KEN DOESN'T HAVE THE EQUIPMENT TO LIKE IT!"

Stacie emits a Frustrated grunt and then storms out the front door. "I hate you!" she exclaims before slamming the door on her way out.

Baby Krissy has stopped playing to watch this. Barbie glances at her and she cowers behind the couch.

End scene.

Moral of the story: having 9 kids will kill you and ruin your kids' futures.


*Actual job count via Forbes.com.