Uncle Sam, Like Nana, Can Never Remember Your Birthday

Independence Day commemorates Will Smith's slaying of invading aliens the vote by the Continental Congress to approve the wording of documentation explaining their previous vote on July 2 to legally separate from the British empire. Signing of this Declaration of Independence occurred between July 4 and August 2, 1776.

Basically, the Declaration was a giant post-dated check like your grandma sends you for your birthday a month early. She doesn't know when exactly you'll receive it, but you couldn't actually check it until an arbitrary later date.

Worse, the 4th of July is like setting your anniversary after you and your sig-oth have already been banging for a few weeks pretty regularly and you've just decided to make it official. Yeah, the date's important and you'll celebrate it every year from now on, but we all know that one of you secretly counts from the first time you tickled the pink dolphin.