New Celebrity Diet Endorsement You'd Actually Try

At work the other day, I was reminded a friend is what's sometimes called a "pescatarian." Short version: it's like a vegetarian, but fish and seafood is okay. Basically, no beef, poultry, etc; the only "meat" is fish.

Now, I love dead animals in my food, in fact pretty much any kind so long as it's not fish. Can't stand those salty bastards. But cows? Delicious. Chickens? Those things are mean, stupid, and tasty. Tell me they weren't designed expressly for my consumption. I don't believe in creationism, but I believe certain animals have been domesticated to the point where, like terriers with underdeveloped legs, they are utterly useless for anything but that which we impress upon their genetic code. When I eat a salad, I want at least two animals to have died for it, and a cow or goat to have been molested into making some cheese too.

But I might be down for this new diet another coworker of ours accidentally created in pronouncing it, "pesh-eh-tarian."

Realistically, I'd make it about 3 days.

I'll only eat foods endorsed by Joe Pesci.

So far, that list includes Snickers bars, the mac & cheese from Home Alone, and if we're stretching it pesto, for the pigeon modeled after his Goodfellas character on the WB's classic cartoon "Animaniacs."