Higgs Boson Jokes for the Discerning Physicist with a PowerPoint to Liven Up

• Forty-eight years and a couple billion dollars to dredge up the mass equivalent of a chocolate chip in a fondue field.

•  It's only a matter of time before Star Trek starts mentioning "Higgs Field Disruptor Drives" as a means of Faster-Than-Light travel, removing mass to propel a ship faster. That's … not so much a joke as a plea to Jonathan Frakes to avoid the issue.

• Apparently your mother's so fat because she's been eating raw Higgs in a blanket all these years.

•  The Higgs boson is a miniscule yet highly massive particle that is not a pregnant Snooki.

• Someone at CERN's going to win the Nobel for this, but if you ask anyone at Tevatron, they couldn't give two gigaelectronvolts.