Shirts-Off-Chug-A-Beer | The Tradition, The Majesty

I have a habit of telling my friends that we should not be allowed around normal people. Because we are not normal people. I'm earnestly of the opinion that we aren't even people. Most likely, we're either B-listers among the 7 billion bit players in a giant alien reality show a là South Park, or we're an outward expression of the Hologram Universe theory proving that it has a sense of humor. This week, hologram is winning.

Case in point:

On Memorial Day weekend, my friends were enjoying copious quantities of beer. This is typical of a weekend, but being a special occasion, there were a few new faces present. That said, one of these faces was a bit confounded by the act of "Shirts-Off-Chug-A-Beer." If that needs some explaining, here are the rules:

1) Someone shouts, "SHIRTS OFF, CHUG A BEER!" like a carnival barker.

2) Several key players, and anyone who would care to partake, immediately shout the same back, then remove their upper garments to the skin and chug a beer.

3) Get a fresh beer.

Now, when I said, "confounded," the precise form of consternation came at the idea that this was an established thing, that our friends had not, in fact, just that minute created this game as a means to "screw with her." Her belief in this was unswerving.

It was this precise moment at which I sauntered up the driveway with a six-pack in an effort to begin my own holiday weekend after a long workday and, spying several shirtless revelers, lamented aloud, "Aw!Did I miss Shirts-Off-Chug-A-Beer!?"

Much laughter erupted. I, personally, was very confused for a few minutes. After they explained it, I also laughed, but was still sad I missed Shirts-Off-Chug-A-Beer. It is my understanding that this is not typical behavior associated with a human being.

I hope my hologram's lines are written by another Jewish guy.