On Travel

I've made no secret of the fact that I love being the Baggin' Saggin' Barry of my friends. I love pulling out that one thing we suddenly need that no one should really have.

However, considering my friends are surprised to find clean cups, ketchup, or a box spring under their mattress, 'basic' apartment necessities seem to also fit my M.O. It's weird to think, but I'm probably going to have trouble fitting all my stuff into my next apartment. I've got, like, everything you could really need.

It makes sense, I'm not a light packer, but I've finally gotten the carry-on thing down. I suddenly feel the great need to go a-traveling. For maybe a week. But multiple times. I can pack light, short-term, I just need a base of operations to keep all my long-haul gear like protractors and hampers and that snowboard I've never really used.

So here's my solution: instead of just becoming rich and vacationing constantly, I'm going to get a job where I have to travel a lot. Then, like my annoyingly perfect cousins, I'm going to parlay all those frequent flyer miles into cheep vacations all year long.

Oh, you moved to Texas? VISITED. You work out of a pinball-laden office in L.A.? VISITED. Weird artists' gathering outside of some city I've only ever heard of on Twitter? MO-FUGGIN VISITED.

Or, you know, I'll finally getting around to throwing out that protractor.