Half-Jewish: It's like being bisexual, but with cultures. But still no one likes you.

This is typically the time of year where I point out that every single Jewish holiday is a celebration of our often miraculous survival against overwhelmingly poor odds.

Screw that, find the link if you can. I can't.

This year I'm fascinated by the ability of certain religious groups to become so insular that they effectively do become an ethnic or national group. Case in point: I am half Jewish.

This icon actually describes most Judeo-Christian relations over time.

You heard me. I was born to two parents–as most people are–only one of whom was Jewish. When I refer to being Jewish, I'm referring to having been sent to Hebrew School and bar-mitzvahed, mostly as part of said parents' divorce stipulations. When I refer to being half-Jewish, I refer to the cultural appropriations of being generally frugal, respectful of authority to the point of developing stress disorders, and having no dance ability besides an aptitude for kicking, lifting chairs, or linking arms and running in concentric circles.

It's sort of like being bisexual. Full Jews look down on me for being lazy and sinful, while non-Jews basically do the same from the opposite direction. Really, only other Half-Jews can understand what you feel like on the inside.