What I Learned from the Local Lincoln Society

"Be excellent to each other."

• When celebrating the abolitionist qualities of someone, it is best to have more than two-and-a-half black people in your society.

• Yes, it's pretty much rich white people celebrating each other for actually giving a little bit back to the community in some way. Usually by thanking the one rich white guy who actually did that in any meaningful way.

• No one under the age of 40 actually joins these things, they only get dragged along as family or interns.

•  There are still those among us who would strive to ensure that we never truly forget how people remembered things in the past, even if it means genuinely ignoring the present.

•  Even a lesbian reverend sounds too churchy reading from a soldier's prayer book.

• It's really sad when aging Lincoln impersonators get too old and you have to call an actor to come and put them down.