Tech Support Help Kits Should Include Whiskey

I can handle any tech support a customer can throw at me. I've dug up dirt our own service representatives don't learn until "Tier 2" support status, in half and hour. I've fixed problems with other companies' software, hardware. Hell, I've set up our major competitor's device, just to compare the two. I'm the best there is at what I do, and what I do is completely unintelligible to most grandmothers.

"I'm gonna support the fuck out of this call."
- A Canadian

So when you start disparaging yourself for being an idiot, I'm going to coddle you a little. I have two grandmothers who are not exactly elite hackers. One still occasionally sends me blank New Messages instead of a Forward, but at least she knows what the internet is. The other is somewhat more painful. Believe me, you're fine. Don't worry. There's a learning curve on everything and, frankly, unless you were born after some time in the middle of 1982, you probably have some trouble setting up your VCR. Deal with it. Learn and move on.

Now when you keep interrupting my answers to your questions, with the same question, I'm not going to protest as hard or as convincingly when you next call yourself an imbecile.

When it takes less time to 'fix' something that's not actually a problem just to get rid of you, because you're wasting my time and you smell terrible?

That's when I run to the back for two Asprin and wish I had something stronger than grape Fanta to wash it down with.

Which brings me back to the idea that, under prescribed circumstances, I should be allowed to drink at work.