Why I Am the Worst Date

• Get coffee: hate coffee. (How about tea and scones? Maybe a biscotto?

• Go outside for a smoke: don't smoke. (Father issues.)

• Sushi: nauseated by all seafood. (Fancy lobster and any dinner in Maryland/tropical islands also ruined)

• Movie date: keep your tongue in check, woman, I paid $11 to see this movie in which I'm now thematically invested, I'm going to watch it.

• Hiking/rock climbing/long walks on the beach: fucking lazy.