Jokes for Crazy Cat Ladies

You ever notice how grilled cat food always looks shredded, shredded cat food always looks diced, and diced always looks like it's grilled, but classic always looks like spam and spam ends up looking like cat food? What's the deal with that? Am I right?

My cat was behind on his rent but then he came into some money, so he paid three months before it was even dewclaw.

My neighbor has a new Persian rug. It's used to be her husband's favorite sweater.

Sometimes, I spray urine on my own couch just to remind myself who's boss.

I tell people the scratch marks on my back of from a new man in my life. I found him in a dumpster out back.

Somehow I sleep alone at night and still have to fight for the covers.

I told my cat to get off the sofa, so he just looked at me with contempt and malice for 40 minutes.