On Curious George

Having just reread today the opening pages of Curious George, I feel confident saying that it is a twisted and sick tale to be telling children, right up there with the Brothers Grimm and their horrifying tellings of decidedly deadly tales long since watered down by less stringent parents and foolhardy endeavors such as "personal liberties" and "basic human dignity."

The monkey, who should have been naturally selected out of the gene pool a dozen times over due chiefly to his own incompetence and unnatural dwelling, isn't even an issue. I'm more concerned about that goldenrod-obsessed bastard.

It's pretty evident that the Man in the Yellow Hat is at worst a poacher and a game smuggler. At best he's just an inadvertent flaunter of international customs regulations. He's on safari in Africa and sees a monkey he likes. "This is George. He lives in Africa." Those are the first lines.

Enter the obsessed kidnapper: "Oh, what a cute monkey!" he says (paraphrased). "I want to take him home with me!" (direct quote). The next few pages are George finding the man's hat, wearing it, and then getting tied up in a sack and thrown in a dingy which rows him out to a steamer. The Man keeps him locked in his private cabin all the way back to New York (several weeks I'd imagine by steam liner). Then he puts him in his apartment until he miraculously breaks free and is rescued by firemen.

Who then return him to his captor.

Kidnapping, forced imprisonment, brainwashing (what do you think the doctor in Curious George Goes to the Doctor was all about? He's a monkey. SIV? AIDS? Was the MitYH also a beastial rapist?), oh, and trafficking of an endangered species across international boarders. That's got a whole host of health concerns right there, too.

Wait. Sex with African chimpanzees and mysterious drug cocktails in 1939? My god.

The Man in the Yellow Hat brought AIDS down upon us all. You yellow bastard.