Lady Gaga Isn't the Only One Pole Dancing in Barns

They recently installed some new tables where I work, that have square metal poles rising to the ceiling, ostensibly to carry power supplies unobtrusively from the rafters down to the table innards.

However until merchandise of any kind ends up on those tables, it just looks like a really uncomfortable strip-tease waiting to happen.

Oh, I don't mean it'd be weird to get a lap dance in a book store. Actually, I'm 100% sure there's a business model for that and it's already being employed somewhere in Portland, OR.

I just think it would hurt your hands, trying to hold onto and then swing from a square pole. First you try it, then you realize how badly it pains you mid-maneuver, let go out of sheer reflex, and then fall off the table, centrifugal force hurling you face-first outward and downward, from a starting position of three feet plus you initial height at time of launch.

However, I must say I am intrigued by the idea of cute, farm-fresh country girls wearing red plaid and Daisy Dukes "square pole dancing." That's some wild stuff they'd be doing down South.

Y'all have a good time now, y'hear?