To Whomever Found a Half Bottle of My Urine Outside the Bayside Marina on Long Island

Dear Marina Worker Who Found a Half Bottle of My Urine Outside Bayside Marina on Long Island:

I am so sorry. I have no excuse other then you are a private parking lot with a snack shack and no porta potty. There was a 90 minute back up on the L.I.E. and it took longer to get through that than my entire trip home should have, so the soda I had did not do so well. I apologized profusely. You should not have to deal with that.

Sincerely,
Myself

Dear Small Child Who Might Have Found a Half Bottle of My Urine While Walking with Your Family Outside Bayside Marina on Long Island:

For the love of God that is not apple juice! Put that- That is dirty! You do not pick up bottles of liquid you find on the ground! Your mother is going to- Put that down and wash your hands and get over here now I am so sorry, oh my god.

Sincerely,
Myself


Dear Bronx County Court-Mandated Municipal Roadside Sanitation Worker Who Might Have Found a Half Bottle of My Urine Outside the Bayside Marina on Long Island:

I sincerely hope you have learned your lesson about that public urination charge.

You're welcome,
Myself