On Culinary Greatness

Last night I went all-out on a dinner. It took me like 2 hours, but I made this:

That would be mini beef Wellington pastries (named after the Duke of Wellington, who defeated Napoleon at the Battle of Waterloo), filled with a Crimini mushroom and shallot mixture, and a cucumber-tomato salad with Italian dressing and Gorgonzola cheese.

And a Pepsi. Throwback. With lime.

Check out that pastry puff.

That is a 1 inch cube of tender, seasoned, seared filet mignon–a beef tenderloin–and mushrooms and chopped shallot cooked in the beef's own natural juices, baked up inside a thin, flaky crust. (Oh, and about two dozen extra cubes of beef because the recipe seriously underestimated the need for pastry dough.)

I popped one in the microwave a few hours later and it was still amazing. Someone should fricking market this. Wrap these up in a box or something.

Ah fuck. Is that what those things were supposed to be? No. No, I can't accept that. What I made was delicious and classy! It's the choicest, most buttery beef and delicious mushroom. I don't even like mushrooms and this was amazing. I mean, if I loaded it up with preservatives and decreased ingredient quality until it was affordable to the common NASCAR fan … shit.

I just created gourmet Hot Pockets. At least I didn't burn the roof of my mouth.

Hope I poop soon, though.…Hot pockeeeeeet….