Everything I Know About Football

This is dedicated to Dean McGowan, who instigated this, and Bryan Haas, who will probably end up reading this and reminding me to mention all the Sports section guys from the college paper.

Everything I Know About Football:

• Unless it's the superbowl and I have money riding on the game, I will not understand the rules.
  
  
• There is a black man with the very white name "Chad" who legally changed his surname to "Eight-Five" in Spanish. Also, everyone in New York is mad at him suddenly, but they never really liked him to begin with.
  
  
• Bill Belichick's last name means "pretty girl" if you speak American slang in French.
  
  
• The New England Patriots are bullshit because "New England" isn't a state.
  
  
• There's a guy named Troy with some serious hair and the voice of a cuddly fop, but I think he could break me in half.
  
  
• There are two Mannings, one is named Eli, and I never know which one we like least at the moment.
  
  
• Brett Favre doesn't know how to pronounce his name.
  Other Things Brett Favre doesn't know:
  
• How to treat a lady
• How to remove EXIF data from a cell phone pic
Things Brett Favre Does Know:
• How long he sounds in metric.