The Difference Between Men and Women

I don't know how I've never blogged this before. Actually, I've got a fairly reasonable guess: I spout this bit of sensical nonsense rather frequently and in person. I try to teach it like Jesus taught Buddhism with parables. Shepherds don't understand Buddhism, but they understand sheep. Men and women don't understand the subtly nuanced interactions they experience on a day-by-day basis because, frankly, no one understands them. The people with the best guesses are trained relationship counselors and sociologists and psychotherapists and I have it on very good authority that none of them ever agree on much of anything. Truthfully, if anyone anywhere were suddenly able to explain men and women to each other, religion would disappear overnight. That said, I suppose this is my own small attempt at heresy.

The truth of the species is this: Men are dumb. Women are simply crazy.

That's it. That's all there is. Now, you can expand on that, but it's just fleshing the idea out to make it more palatable. Men aren't necessarily dumb. In fact, most of history's greatest geniuses were men, though I suspect this statistic is in large part weighted by the fact that educating women hasn't been in vogue until very recently, at least on a sociological scale.

But here's the kicker: Men are logical, but they're very dumb in how they go about it. If something doesn't make sense, a man will stop and stare at it for hours if not days, until finally he reasons out its very atomic nature. That's how Einstein did it. Anything that isn't capable of being solved is an object of intense scrutiny, followed by either subjugation or blinding, seething rage.

Women? They're brilliant. They don't have to think linearly in time or space. They can see every facet of a situation and immediately weight priorities by non-logical intuition. They understand parables while men are the shepherds or, more often, the sheep. When any man demands in an argument, "How can you say that?!" He actually wants an answer. He wants to reason out where the logical error lies and prays to the club-meat-fire Man Gods that it isn't his. To the same thought a woman would more likely demand, "WHY would you say that?!" She has no interest in your logic, at least not yet. She is more concerned with what you think and feel that would cause you to phrase your point in the way you did, because she found it needlessly hurtful.

Men argue the facts, women argue how those make them feel.

And as much as you may already disagree with all of this, here's the part that will win back most of the men I lost and cast off any women left in my camp, but that's not how it should be.

Women, it is all your fault.

I'll wait. Okay.

The trouble is Men are too rational. They're typically not in touch with their emotions and anything they don't understand is likely to be confronted by logic, not deep, emotional introspection. Women, are phenomenal at that. They're are amazing. And because they're just as smart as men they can understand Men's small chimp-logic. They can understand even if it pisses them off, and if they don't try than they're just being dumb too.

So here's the deal: Crazy people can understand stupid people if they're smart enough, but dumb people can never understand crazy people because, well, they're too dumb for that.

Women, you have to be the ones to make the effort, because at least you have a friggin' shot at it.