On Job Security

I have secured your job. Cary on.

In the current economy, a lot of people are concerned about job security, and with good reason. The easiest way to gain job security, my mom taught me, is to simply make yourself indispensable.

I know you're thinking, "Of course. It's real easy to say, but hard to pull off. Stupid." Not so. Honestly, it's about as simple as learning to do something that needs doing and then just never explaining how you did it.

"How did you ever come in under budget?"
"Well, it's all very complicated, but I promise you it was all safe and legal."

"Can you show me how to file the end-of-day reports?"
It's late. Let me just bang them out and we can go home. I'll show you some other time."

"Where do you keep the key to the supply closet?"
"Somewhere safe."

It's really that easy. I've been working part time at a little New Age boutique for a couple months now. Do you know how I became indispensable? I'm the only positive male energy that's worked in the store for 17 years. That's pretty much it. I think that's spiritualist talk for "He can fix things." In all honestly, I could never be fired now. I'm the only person who knows how to change the motor belt in the vacuum. I'm the only one who understands the store's internet connection or dial-up credit machine.