On Dying In Bed

One of these days, lying in bed I'm just going to crack my neck so hard that it severs my spinal chord and I'll lose all motor control below my neck, causing me to slowly and silently suffocate, staring up into the black of my ceiling awake and fully cognizant of the last three minutes of my life pathetically passing by without so much as the ability to call for help.

These are the things I worry about as I'm falling asleep at night. Seriously, I could have nailed so many goth chicks in high school if I'd had the mind to. You call it dark and brooding? I call it being Jewish.