On Fashion Trends

I saw a kid with this haircut in the mall yesterday.

Except he was a Jersey Shore reject and had it spiked like a fauxhawk or a flip.

Oh, did I mention this kid workd in the mall? Yeah, he was obviously walking out for his break from the The Phone Store, which–incidentally–has burned out so much of its sign that the only illuminated words read, "Pone Stor." This could be interpretted as

A) a store of major p0wnage, or
B) a job-description by an adult film star with a speech impediment similar to that of Andre the Giant.

I wanted so badly to turn to this spray-tanned leather man-purse and be like, "Hey, what's wrong with your head?"

"It's a style, man…."

"No, I mean, what's wrong with your head that you think 'retarded' is a style?"

Do you think you're cool, kid? With your Statue of Liberty hair crown? You think you're going to impress her just 'cause you've got an atypical stylist? Let me tell you something, guy, that chick is French. She's seen shit you haven't imagined since the Marquis de Sade was the only prisoner actually freed during the storming of the Bastille.

Oh snap. I went there.