"It's Complicated"

A friend of mine said yesterday, "You have no idea how much sex complicates things."

Now, aside from the backhanded assertion that I don't have nearly enough sex (and only a fool would turn down more sex), there's a valid point there. Sex does complicate things. But you know what complicated things even more?

Not having sex.

Really think about that one. "Oh! Woe! Woe! A thousand woes upon me! We have had sex and now our relationship is all befuddled!" Right. Great job. You know how a lot of those stories end? With more sex. And sometimes a happy ending. Sure, sometimes a bad one, but you still got to have sex and they say bad sex is like bad pizza: no such thing.

Oh, but man, not having sex? How do you even properly gauge how you feel about a person if you're not having sex with them? As soon as they're physically and psychologically attractive enough to make that blip on your radar, how are you supposed to comport yourself and try to understand your own feelings? Dear lord, are you supposed to- to actually … think about your feelings??

Swear to God, there wouldn't be nearly as many emo kids in the world if only they'd cut out this Abstinence Only education plan. Get an emo laid and you know what you have? A well-adjusted alternative rocker.