North Dakota Is Full of Cocks

What's your problem, North Dakota?

Seriously, you're the only fuggin' United State not to visit my blog. I thought we were United, North Dakota. I thought we were cool.

Just because you have a big mountain we carved up to look like some important dead white men you think you're better than the rest of us? Is that what you think? Well, I've got news for you, North Dakota: you ain't shit.

South Dakota's gotten in on this. North Carolina's got in on this. Hell, even West Virginia is all over my shit, so don't go acting like this is a regional thing. West side, East side, Bloods, Crips, Latin Kings, everybody's all over this so don't go acting like you can't because someone else got beef. Where's the beef? There ain't no beef here. I mean, Jesus! Even D.C. is in on this. D.C.'s been dick riding my junk since Day 1. D.C. dick riding so hard my shit's got friction burn. Shit's bent, son.

You really want to get into it? Really? Well, look at this shit: Singapore, 12 hits; France, 12 hits; Serbia, 4 hits; Sri Lanka, 4 hits. Sri Lanka, North Dakota. Vietnam, Slovenia, Slovakia, Iran, The United Arab Emirates, Ethiopia.

Jesus Christ, North Dakota, Ethiopia visits my site more than you do. You know what's in Ethiopia? Nothing. They have flies and famine and starving people and Angelina Jolie holding malnourished brown babies. I don't even think they have computers in Ethiopia. Do you know what that means? That means that Angelina Jolie handed some starving Cambodian an iPad so she could hold their kid and adopt it, and while she was doing that they looked at my web site. For like a minute and a half.

Jesus Christ, North Dakota, get your shit together.