Everything I Need to Know About Life I Learned From The Renaissance Festival

• Corsets are simultaneously the greatest device ever and the worst false advertising in history.
• A balanced meal consists of a whole turkey leg, funnel cake, and chocolate-covered cheesecake-on-a-stick.
  
• If you wear a situation-appropriate costume, you can pretty much go anywhere, do anything and charge people money to stand next to you while you do it.
• Bare midriffs should not appear on any woman so fat as to have skin flaps forming a belly button in the small of her back.
• Men in tights are significantly more likely to associate exclusively with other men in tights.
• 30 year old men who dress like 13th century samurai are definitely still virgins.
  
• If it looks like a bondage enthusiast, sounds like a bondage enthusiast and walks like a bondage enthusiast, it's probably still a huge nerd.
  
• Sometimes it's just best to play along with the people who refuse to leave you alone.
• Save the Kissing Bridge for late in the date, but before the blooming onion.
• Camels smell awful.