On FIFA & World Cup Soccer

Thoughts on the World Cup, Soccer, and Football in General:

• I never knew "My Country 'tis of Thee" stole its melody from "God Save the Queen."
• Asking whether the U.S. or England is the 'white' team feels like if I get it wrong someone is going to steal my land.
• Everything Americans hate about futból–i.e. low scoring, simple rules–is the exact opposite of what is wrong with basketball.
• We were pretty big douches to name another sport "football" despite a dearth of kicking. Did we just say, "Nope, we're using that. Sorry?"
• Apparently when a team wins the World Cup, they get a gold-plated replica, but FIFA keeps the actual cup, which some dude says can't possibly be solid gold like they say. Baller.
• Every promo commercial sounds like it was narrated by Morgan Freeman.
• When the British announcer said "Bocanegra" it does not sound like "Bocanegra."
• Ties are stupid, but I'll take it over losing.