Random Thoughts That Won't Fit Elsewhere

• No one really uses "irony" appropriately. I sneezed while eating yogurt the other day and I think some granola went up my nose. If I get a sinus infection from health food, that would be irony.
  
  
• All my shirts are cutoffs because wearing sleeves would classify my arms as concealed weapons.
  
  
• It bothers me when Facebook sluts post 837,000 whorish photos and don't even have the common decency to use a high-resolution camera.
  
  
• If they combined the Coors Light train with the train from "Back to the Future Part III," I think that'd be just about the coolest train ever.
  
  
• If they reboot Superman one more time, he'll have been adopted by the Kents, a good-natured, Middle American couple on their way home from seeing an advanced screening of Star Wars.
  
  
• I do not want the "hardest working" antiperspirant. I want one that makes that shit look easy. I want the Lebron James of deodorants.