On Visceral Reactions

Everyone's familiar with the phrase "turns my stomach."

You see your ex walking down the street, not looking like a cracked-out beggar and suddenly you're nauseated. Your heart falls into your guts, your stomach flips around and its acid spills into your chest cavity, burning and boiling your appendix and more useful organs.

I recently realized I stopped getting that feeling. I think it's emotional growth on my part.

Now when I see a certain ex, I only get tunnel-vision, the sweats, chills and my sinuses dry out.

It's like a tragic romance head cold.

Pop some pseudoephed and you're fine. Maybe drink some OJ.

I'm thinking about marketing some over-the-counter nasal spray for this. See your ex? Feel those dry and itchy eye symptoms? Huff a squirt.

I'm thinking of getting Antonio Banderas to voice the little bee guy.