On School Uniforms

I just saw one of those half-commercials that get played in the five seconds of dead air between one nation-wide commercial and a short local one. This one was for, I'm pretty sure, "BestDegree21.com," a proprietor of online college degree-like things.

To their defense, the commercial itself was not poorly executed. A young, sexy girl of what was apparently the half-Asian persuasion, clad in pajamas and a spaghetti strap tank top in sensuous magenta lay on her stomach in bed, feet curled up and chatting with me like discussing getting my bachelor's degree over the internet is her favorite type of foreplay.

All believable.

Except she said the following before getting cut off by an iO Digital Cable ad:

"Every day, thousands of college students attend classes in their pajamas … over the internet!"

Now don't get me wrong, this is entirely true and I would buy a full new wardrobe of pajamas if I thought that's what this girl wanted of me. But the problem is every day thousands of college students attend classes in their pajamas in public. Yes, many colleges have online-courses, but pretty much any class that takes attendance before 3 p.m. is guaranteed to contain at minimum 5% students in cotton pants that don't possess pockets but do possess a draw string.

Of these students, 40% are guys who have already or will later that day be running down campus to the free gym. 18% are overweight girls too tired from their futile efforts to get in shape to truly care anymore about their appearance on a day-to-day basis. The remaining 42% are insanely attractive sluts recovering from nights of debauchery where their drink of choice was more accurately described by its color than by an actual name or its component ingredients.

I miss college.