Further Adventures At the DMV!

So I went to the DMV again yesterday.

I had a blog a while ago about how wonderful it was and how easy a time I had when I went to update my picture a few weeks back. In-and-out in maybe 15 minutes. Great service.

The only down side was that I found I went in too early to also renew my Class-M motorcycle permit, the chief reason I actually went when I did.

Last time it was entirely my fault. I had the "M"-month stuck in my head, so I went in within 60 days of March 4th, when my expiration date was May 4th. An easy mistake. I had a good laugh about it and just switched my calendar around to move "DMV - Renew Permit" back about three weeks.

Well three weeks rolled around and I was already in that neck of the woods getting a haircut, so I said "Screw it," and drove a couple more miles down the road. I got good parking, I went in and it was crowded for once.

They started to announce that they were having trouble and could not process and licenses or permits, but in the middle of saying this everything went through. I thought this was a good sign. It was not.

I filled out a new application on line. I thought this was a good sing as well. It too, was not.

The child, for I can only call him that, at the check-in desk had me check a few boxes and then puzzled at my permit renewal request. If said I could only renew within forty-five days of expiration. I said I was told sixty. He told me He was pretty sure but offered me a number to wait for someone with chin hair to tell me I was stupid, which I grudgingly accepted.

Twenty minutes later a nice little Indian man with a black mustache called the number E595 and I told him my story of woe and times past.

He asked me, "So you just want to renew the permit?"

I said yes. I thought perhaps the Class-M or outdated photo might confuse him.

He asked again, "You just want to renew it??"

Yes, as opposed to renewing my permit and grabbing a boating license while I'm here. While waiting in line I've developed a taste for yachting and as a new boating enthusiast I would like to enter my schooner in a local regatta this next weekend OF COURSE I JUST WANT TO RENEW IT.

Now what I actually said was more polite: "Yes, and if I can't can you just tell me the earliest I could renew it?"

He said, "Yeah," and proceeded to make three protracted clicks with his computer mouse, being ever so careful so that he could with complete confidence inform me, "No, you can't renew yet."

I sighed audibly. I asked, again, when the earliest I could renew was. I had been told 60 days, the prepubescent clerk said 45. Indian Man told me he thought it was 30. You are all such a big fucking help.

So yes, if you were wondering, the DMV is helpful in inverse relation to how much you need them to be helpful, expressed thus:

h = ^m/n

where m equals how much money you put in the meter out back.