Killer Whale Kills, Everyone Shocked and Appalled

I'M AN ORCA. I'M AN ORCA! SUCK MAH DICK, I'M AND ORCA!

Beloved orca in a string of many who, like Lassie, carried on the "Shamu" name, has apparently mauled and killed a trainer.

1. The whale had just been introduced to this new trainer. I guess he didn't like her.
   
   
2. This is a killer whale and we have decided to keep in in a confined space since 1992, its only interactions being with people wearing slick black wetsuits and flailing wildly like baby seals, the orca's natural food source. Brilliant.
   
   
3. Since this was a killer whale, and we all know whales are as intelligent as dolphins, dogs, and retarded blond children who fight ecoterrorists in small Atlantic coves, homicide detectives have been called into investigate.

I suppose it's going to be … a whale of a case.