Of Cocktails

I have this theory that people are all different kinds of alcohol.

I'm some kind of light but classy bourbon, my friend Jay is clearly Jameson and quite unfortunately most of the girls we know are either Zima, Smirnoff or Arbor Mist.

My theory is also that relationships are like cocktails. A good one brings out the best in it's components to create its own unique flavor. Like an Irish car bomb, shots of Jameson's and Bailey's–very different on their own–mix together in a beery life to form something new and exciting that may or may not make you black out and forget several years of your life.

The bad relationships look and taste awful, leaving you curled in the fetal position on the bathroom floor, swearing off them forever and promising God anything to just please make the pain go away.

Some of the most fun ones are like a Long Island Iced Tea. Yeah, it tastes pretty normal, but the draw is that there's like five things all fucking you up at once.

There's no joke about drinking alone/masturbating. You're just an alcoholic.

We are all alcoholics.