On Christmas Presents

This guy knows shit.


Though I'd be loath to actually reveal the inner workings of my brain case, I feel like giving you a smattering of what my family and I received this Christmas would enlighten you both to the kind of person I am and the kind of family I was raised by.

That said, yesterday's offerings included free weights, some clothes and books I asked for, a new guitar capo, scratch-off lotto tickets, bacon bubble gum and a ukulele. Also, a cookie. Oh, and an absinthe glass/spoon set. And cash. My family knows me so well.

My grandmother got Gone With the Wind on DVD (my idea) and some new ugly nightgowns because she absolutely loves ugly nightgowns. My mother got the laptop tray she wanted, chocolate which she always wants and a DVD of pirated software so she doesn't have to complain about the open-source equivalents anymore.

Grandpa got plaid flannel shirts and money/gift cards to Nathan's Famous and Panera Bread.


Honestly, if it weren't for seeing nothing but uninteresting, violent, mean-spirited morons who by their very continued existence offend me it was pretty much one of the best days of the year.

But then again, what's Christmas without family?


Now here's Hanukkah Harry for the rest of my family:
















Honestly, the only time of year a half-Jew feels more conflicted is that whole Passover-Easter debacle.