Of Titty-Based Technology

HI DAVE ZUCKER HERE, EXCITED TO TELL YOU ALL ABOUT AN INCREDIBLE NEW PRODUCT THAT'S GOING TO REVOLUTIONIZE THE LIST OF THINGS YOU'RE LOUDLY TOLD TO PURCHASE BY PAY-FOR-PLAY SPOKESPERSONS!

I can assure you, none of you have ever seen a product the likes of this. This is simply an astounding new device that's gonna change the way people think about boobs.

It's the Kush^® device from some crazy person who thinks this is marketable.



Basically, it's some kind of solid-core silicone loofah that you women are supposed to place between your breasteses as you sleep at night. Apparently the idea is that when you sleep on your side one breast droops uncomfortably under it's own weight, effectively squishing the lower mammary simultaneously.

The Kush^©, however, is situated in the inter-boob region and divides a woman's boobage into two easily dealt with teardrops, preventing sagging of the upper boob and adding extra weight to further squish the lower coconut into complete submission. All the while, the device's super non-slip silicon padding firmly grips your trans-titty skin flaps, preventing your chestal areas from retaining that pesky natural ability to become elastic and move with your body as it moves. I know, real pain, right? I mean where do your cans get off? Pushing you around with their girth and sphereosity? The gall.

Anyway, it's made by the Germans, so you know it was tested on itinerant Gypsies, held captive in concentration camps and formally neglected by history as the result of a prominent Judeo-Christian academia eager to demonize Nazism without admitting to its own long-held biases routed in a Western Eurocentric self loathing for the old nomadic lifestyles.

Also, I'm told the Germans make good stuff.

Remember girls, guys love "more Kushin' for the pushin'!"^{© ® TM PLEASEDON'TSTEALTHISGUYSSERIOUSLYPLEASE?}

I have received no compensation from Kush for this blog entry and would really prefer to keep it that way. All comments are made in jest and under the assumption that whatever ad company promotes Kush has some kind of legal department that could hand me my own ass and make me pick up the check for it. I neither encourage nor discourage you from buying their product, regardless of how stupid it seems. Some of my favorite things in life were also horrible ideas, so if this seems like it would alleviate a serious boob-related medical issue for you, go right ahead and buy the shit out of this thing. Buy like five of them and leave them in any location you think you might fall asleep. Go for it. I totally wont be critical of you for it. No way. Not even in the slightest, you saggy-titted abomination of low I.Q. and even lower self esteem. Buy the fuck out of this legitimate sleep aid device.