On Living Vicariously

This is how my father introduces me to my step-mother's brother-in-law:

"He just graduated from college…"

"Oh, that's g--"

"AND while he was there he saw more pink than the Easter Bunny."

"…"


Now, I'm always one for a good turn of phrase, but let us be a bit clearer on some of the specifics here.

1) I never speak to my family of anything even approximating my love life. Barely even my social life in general.

2) I speak to my father even less, about anything.

3) I haven't even seen a live vagina in over a year.


Granted, I've spent the past 18 months as a mortuary assistant and that last one was a fluke, but the point stands. My father lies about me to his friends right in front of me. No, he's not disappointed, not at all.