On the Cock

So my Dad's neighbor has this really old house with a barn on the property that they fixed up a few years ago. Out by this barn, easily visible from the road, is an ancient tree stump used for splitting logs into kindling.

Well apparently someone switched to electric heat, because sitting atop the stump now is a four-foot high, 225 lb. cast iron rooster, standing on one leg, claw raised defiantly and cawing in the general direction of passing cars.

It's a giant cock.

From the road, it looks like it's wood. A wooden cock. A four-foot, straining wooden cock.

What's more, these people seem to collect large cocks, as their property is literally littered with hard cocks of all shapes and sizes. This enormous cock, however, is evidently the grand pinnacle of their collection – the tip, if you will – and this particularly muscular cock has a bit of a sordid history.

It seems so many people saw this cock that it became a rather well-known and recognizable cock. What's more, it became a much desired cock. Some scoundrels, so in love with the cock, lifted the massive erection from its base and absconded with said cock in the dark of the night.

Still, this was not a cock to be hidden behind closed doors; it was a cock to be shown off around town, so that is exactly what our young cock bandits did. For several weeks after its owners lost their erection it was spotted around town by passers-by. Constantly moving, the cock would pop up in one place and startle a few and bemuse a few others, causing some giggles before disappearing again into the night.

Eventually, though, police rediscovered the cock. I can imagine officers down in the station laughing over the saucy stolen statuary. "Hey, Horowitz, you seen any cock lately?" "Why no, Chief, haven't seen the cock in weeks. Have you seen cock, Rookie?" "Gee, fellas, I wish I'd seen some cock this week, but my partner's out of town and the computer's down. I've had to do all our work by hand!" "Ah…!" "Oh, don't worry, Chief, you'll find that cock someday." "I know, Horowitz, I just wish I could get my hands on that cock and finish the sucker off once and for all."

And that day did come. It came and with it came the cock, back to it's mighty stand, bold and prestigious on its mount the way any good cock should be, displayed for all the cock-loving world to see. It is a prodigious cock, to be sure.