Of Big Wheels and Bigger Wheels

When I was little I had one of the Big Wheels electric car things powered by a small car battery. It was a fire truck. Larger wheels with more traction, perfect for off-roading, at least back when it was a fire truck, a convertible, or a pink Barbie jeep.

Fuck, that was a great toy.

Well late last week I walked around the corner to mail off a parking ticket, and low and behold I was nearly bowled over by a twelve year-old wearing a sporty track suit. He was munching on something with one hand, so I couldn't quite see his face. Probably an organic wheatgrass and oat bar or some such nonsense.

This child, if I can even call something that size but that much swarth a child, was riding along on a miniature mint-green Vespa scooter. Let my impress that upon you. A miniature moped. A tiny tot's toy in electric scooter form. And much like the pre-pubescant public I see meandering through my mall on those wonderous Wheelies shoes I swear were stolen from my yesteryear yearnings, I wonder if the look of contempt on the boy's face stems from being too cool for school, or if deep down he knows that he's bcome less American than Yachov Smiernov.

In either event, yes, I fucking wanted that scooter like the drunk chick at a frat party.