Mostly True Ways I've Preemptively Foiled CSI From Solving My Future Possible Murder

• Regularly leaving finger prints in odd locations and in anatomically unlikely grip patterns.
• Randomly smudging and wiping my fingerprints off of door handles and other places they should be.
• Constantly reminding my friends of the proper procedure for sinking a torso in water.
• Constantly explaining the proper use of ammonia and lemon juice to destroy DNA evidence.
• Keeping climbing supplies, rope and disguises in the trunk of my car at all times.
• Leaving .txt notes on my computer referencing the legality of all my hidden porn.
• Meticulously organizing said porn to a frightening degree.
• Keeping a standard-issue police handcuff key on my keyring.
  
• Occasionally wearing other people's undergarments to comedic effect.
• Stipulating that I shall receive a green burial only if my death is not under investigation.
• Paying migrant workers to bury my corpse in a mass grave filled with dead hookers I've absolutely never met before in my life.
• Stealing David Caruso's sunglasses.